i want my 1995 back
my highland park
my hollywood
my glendale
and pasadena nothingness

to see the scared look on my high school friends' faces
for the last time
i was bleached blond,
dyed red
suddenly loud,
mean
and
alien

i want angry band fights
to play el arco iris
i want to scream along to falling sickness
"it's too easy to get all tangled up in life's big bed of nothing"

i want the controlled disarray
the school to drop out of
the jobs i would take
and definitely would leave
driving along
in my band-aid-on-cancer mustang
i was invincible
and the world owed me
goddammit
and it knew it did

women were scary
but beautiful
and new
i want those things
you first whispered to me
in the dark of your room

i was crazy and manic
depressed
and i said i hated 1995
but secretly,
deep
deep
deep down
inside
i was having
the time of my life.

wanting these things
brings me
closer to death
than i've ever been
because he promised
i could live
in 1995 one more time.

NB @ 9:18 AM

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