spilled ink.
every day
i sign my name
a letter,
a period,
six more letters.

proof i was here
signing for something
that i don't want
or can't own.

paying the bills
signing a clipboard
a name i hate
a name i couldn't pick out of a line-up

it's a box,
an envelope,
a vase of flowers,
a suitcase,
chocolate,
a book
it's anything but me anymore.

seven letters,
twenty times a day,
six years and counting

a period

it's your birthday

NB @ 3:22 PM [ 0 comments ]

---

#1: just another day
more time spent
burying the bodies
in my mind
only to dig them up later

i just wanted to say hello


#2: i moved again
a friend wrote
living in god's waiting room now
with another guy
i don't know
but i'm supposed to
judging by his first name
she refers to

she treats her freedom like cancer


#3: wash myself off in kerocene
in fairytale land
honesty gets you killed
i was told the only thing i love
is my self-fulfilling misery

i sat there waiting for the punchline

#4: do i cast a shadow?
we all get tricked
into tasting humanity's poison
we all resent the person
who made us believe

it was ambrosia

NB @ 11:00 AM [ 1 comments ]

---

call me a sociopath,
but there is something so...
righteous

about
watching
you
writhe

i bet you romanticize us,
forgetting the horror
put me on your bended back
and place me on your pedestal

it's like i've pounded
a dna-encrypted nail into your skull
you can't get rid of me now, doll...

i'm yours forever

in agony
in despair
in loneliness
in every dark corner

i am there

wearing your favorite outfit,
wearing nothing,
in your favorite place,
in your favorite position.

and i know
you know
i don't think of you at all,
and i smile when i think
of how much that hurts you.

your existence
doesn't graze upon
a blade of thought in my mind

and the mere smell
of the same perfume
on a busy street
sends you crashing to your knees

i've kicked you
like the sugary habit you are

i've kicked you
and i'll keep kicking

i'll watch you walk in circles
like a bird
with a broken wing

you'll beg to let go,
you'll want to bleed
and die...
you won't.

you are pathetic
and i enjoy your pain,
i find it so fulfilling

it quenches my thirsty soul

what would you be
without your angst?


normal? ha.


thank me
for your disease
you're an awkward social mutant,
a scurrying rat
in a human suit

i lit the flame
that moves your blood,
set loose the termites
that are your thoughts,


you
are
so
ungrateful.

NB @ 8:58 AM [ 3 comments ]

---

they poison us
[the government allows this for a cut of the profits]

hijacking your self respect,
duct taping its hands,
slitting its throat

replacing it with apathy

...and by the mouthful,
by the bucket--
it will extinguish entire bloodlines


cherishing
every stomachful
and paying
full
price.

NB @ 8:40 AM [ 1 comments ]

---

the pieces

they fit together so nicely
like a backbone
a collection of freakish parts

the x-rays,
they don't lie.


i saw straight through you
and your collection
of
jagged
friends.

they smile upon
a discolored trend

cramming themselves
into that photo booth
you call life

i am the piece not pictured
left out
lacking use

a social coccyx

NB @ 10:04 AM [ 4 comments ]

---